The road less traveled...

Best quote of the day:

2011-07-04T17:02:00.005+01:00

Every life needs a soundtrack; even if no one else can hear it.

You are worth it all!

2010-12-02T18:00:00.004Z

Just as a snowflake melts away as soon it reaches the palm of my hand,

So have you disappeared and vanished from life like a vapour in the wind.

How long does it take for you to realise?

Must you go down this path; even if it hurts Papa to let you go?

Oh yes, Papa has decided to let you go.

He did all He could for you.

But you would not listen, nor did you turn your head to look at His face…

His ever glorious face showed grief instead.

I cannot call out and ask you to return.

There is no point in it.

Love has been burnt into ashes…

It seems – wasted.

He, keeps silent.

Though His heart cries out for you.

You know the way to the Cross,

Therefore no one will hold you back from going the other way.

You slide away like the sand on the seashore.

Our hearts cannot hold it in any longer.

We will move on.

We will not look back.

Nothing is like seeing the face of our Beloved!

Our lives are embedded in the palms of His hands.

Nothing escapes His fury eyes.

But do you know Him?

His heart is for you.

He wants to capture your heart.

He said He would be all that you want Him to be, and even more!

He is the greatest Lover of all!

No one may understand you.

No one may know what you are going through.

No one may even remember your name.

But there is One, who knows you through and through.

My Lord Jesus died for you.

It is not a small cause; we are the greatest cause of all.

But He said it is worth it all to give us His everything.

Till today, He still thinks you are worth it all.

*In this time of advent and this season of life, this poem is dedicated to my close friends out there. (You know who you are.) You are loved and thought of much! Peace be with you.

...till the last snow falls to the ground

2010-12-01T09:30:00.000Z

The first snow arrived in November.

And the weather began to change.

Nothing has changed; it is still cold.

I open my eyes to find that everything has gone white.

There’s not a trace of footprints,

Nor a living organism in motion.

And I begin to hear the snow falling...

Variation of its fall is seen as it falls from heaven.

I do not find what I’m looking for.

Not a sigh, not a sound, not a breath…

In a moment, all I see is You.

You who made the heavens and the earth.

You who made rain and snow to fall from the sky,

And to water the earth.

So shall Your word be, You said.

Your promises will not return to You void;

It will accomplish that which You purposed.

I am waiting… I am still waiting…

How long will it take, my Beloved?

I long to hasten that which You have promised; but yet

I’d rather wait for the right time.

When the season changes,

I will find what I’m looking for.

I will be here, till the last snow falls to the ground.

HOPE

2010-10-16T22:25:00.011+01:00

It's been too long a silence and I'm finding it hard to begin...

Twenty-five and moving on...

This month, I have just celebrated my 25th birthday. I did a search on the biblical significance of the number twenty-five months before my birthday. The number five signifies grace and redemption. Twenty is the number of expectation. 25 = 5 x 5 This means grace intensified. Therefore, this year God's intense grace shall be further extended upon my life as I enter a new year, a new season, a new life with Christ.

Too many happenings; I'll pick a few...

I've had quite an interesting start of the year. It wasn't smooth sailing all the way. I struggled. I cried. I prayed. I surrendered. God was indeed present through it all. He showed me a better way. I had to forgo many personal choices and preference. It's always letting 'self' die in order for Christ to reign. When I could let go and let God, it seemed like Spring came. Certainly, spring came!

Firstly, I was able to teach piano around my place of stay and I had really lovely students! Then I was accepted on a masters programme in a prestigious University (not my first choice, but God's definite choice.) The next thing that took place was a holiday with my family in Europe! It was such a blessing from God (and I didn't know when was the next round I'll see them again.) Much as I was reluctant to shift to a new city, God made provision and He made it all easy and possible for me with much pushing and help provided. (You must be thinking, she's such a 'princess'! Oh yes, Papa does pamper me as well. I'm spoilt!) Anyway as things progressed, I got another summer job and that paid for my return flight to Malaysia. Ultimately, it was such a refreshing month spent back home with family and friends.

God, goodness and all that follows...

Perhaps... I believe more in the thorns that pricks and hurts you compared to the beauty in the rose itself. Generally, I do believe the rose represents beauty and it is beautiful. As I grew older, I somehow believed and felt more of the thorns. There's nothing wrong with it. Knowing that thorns do exist brings us back to the reality of the rose itself. The thorns are not the main theme or subject; rather the rose. Throughout my life, the prophecies that I have received reflects a common theme: God's good plan and His goodness. The good plan is still in progress and it hasn't come to completion as I know. His goodness however, exists and lasts for a long long time whether or not we believe or experience it - it is real and it is there for us to tap into it. His perfect will displays His goodness. His perfect will, includes the rose as well as the thorns. Yet, they are all GOOD. I have to remind myself not to doubt God's goodness for the sole reason that He loves me, His heart and His thoughts are for me. Would you begin to believe that for yourself today?

Psalm 139:11-13 (NIV): If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

When all hope is gone, when life seems pitch black and the cross seems invisible; this verse says that darkness is as light to God. Even in the darkness His light shines and He will show us the way home...

Defining Moments…

2010-07-05T23:39:00.003+01:00

It has been a while since I last blogged. Honestly, I have not had the inspiration to write anything. I am in a unique season of life… though I myself am uncertain what season this might be. Life has been and is still good. There were “ordinary” days; some were “extraordinary” and others just happened to “pass me by…” This is not one of my encouraging or inspiring post but merely an update and record of my life. Please bear with me as I try to find the words to describe it.

I wanted to survive… to just survive… I wondered why it seemed so hard to just survive. Yet, I knew – this is not how it should be. God does not want me to merely survive, He wants me to be free and soar with Him. It was not easy. I went through seasons of conflicts within my spirit and soul… I know my mind had to be renewed. I needed a change of heart. I could not see, could not hear, and could not understand what God is doing or what He wants me to do. I felt lost yet not entirely lost…

I wanted to ask someone; I want to know what I should do. I wished someone would pray with me. Beyond all these, I know the best way is to directly connect to God – through seeking and praying to God by myself. Somehow, I hesitated… (As if I know not how to reach God anymore)

It came to a point where I could not bear it any longer. I started to reach my hands out to God much as I was reluctant… God helped my reluctance and He came for me. The Bridegroom is always for His bride. God always makes the first step to us even while we were lost in darkness and unworthy of Him. Did not God make the first step to us? “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son…” Even after Adam had sinned, God went into the garden to look for him. (It is not as if God does not know where Adam was hiding.) I see it so clearly that God is wooing His Bride back to Himself in these last days.

I have not seen or heard or understood everything I wanted to find out from God. But this is what God has been teaching me: to live each ordinary day, extraordinary when I live for Him and with Him. Take one day at a time… There is too much to think or worry about that could rob my job and my place at His feet. Every moment has to be connected with the "Life wire" in order for “His Kingdom to come and will to be done on earth as it is in heaven…”

There has been a wave of dreams coming back to me - encounters with God, prayers I have prayed and promises made to God that came sweeping in. When God gives a dream, He does not just stop at the dream itself; He will see it to completion. He will stir us up and remind us of it. It seemed like a recollection of memories I have forgotten. It matters to God when we make a promise. He remembers our prayers and will bring it up when the time is right. He is God; and I am not.

On another note (*in the key on E major), I had a great time with my beloved family when they came for a holiday in May. We had a very packed schedule. Time flew; yet it felt like it stood still when we prayed together as a family. It went by so quickly that I needed time to adjust and digest the happenings… I had always wanted to show them "part of my world"; and God blessed us with this golden opportunity. I was blessed to have all of them here with me! I am sure, there will more to come. Thank you Dad, Mum, Clarence and Chrysler for coming and making yourselves available for the family holiday!

On another note (*this time in the key of C major…Ha-ha), I will be going to University of Sheffield to do my masters in September. As the blog title suggests, I believe this season contains defining moments for my future. Most importantly, these defining moments must involve God that His will may be established and He be glorified.

Love bites for the day!

2010-05-10T14:41:00.002+01:00

I was thrust into your arms at my birth. You have been my God from the moment I was born. Because I am righteous, I will see you. When I awake, I will see you face to face and be satisfied. (Psalm 22:10; 17:15).

Guess who’s against us? (Desire - Part 2)

2010-03-29T00:41:00.006+01:00

The Enemy's Desire

The Psalmist prayed: “Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, breathing out violence” (Ps.27:12).

Even the enemy has got desires too. The enemy uses our sinful desires to enslave us. Sin is crouching at the door, it desires to have you but you must master it (Gen.4:7). The Bible states the motives of the enemy clearly: he desires to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10).

Similarly, desire is a form of seed planted in our hearts. We are the ones to decide whether to water it or let it dry up and die… James 1:15 tells me that desire is first conceived before it gives birth to sin; and sin, when full-grown, it gives birth to death. But hear what the Word says about our hearts: Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop—thirty, sixty or even a hundred times what was sown" (Mark 4:18-20).

Evil Desires

The Bible says the unfaithful, are trapped by evil desires (Prov.11:6). Are we unfaithful in our love to God? Or are we unfaithful in giving our tithes and offering? How about unfaithfulness in our marriages? Are we unfaithful in following through our plans and goals? How is our usage of time? Are we able to stick to just one hand-phone for years and change it only when it wears out? Hmm…

Rom.6:12 “Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires”. For sin produces evil desires or deceitful desires and every kind of covetous desire.

Fleshly deceitful desires includes lustful desires (2 Pet.2:18), foolish and harmful desires (1 Tim.6:9), evil desires of youth (2 Tim.2:22).

God’s Desire for Us

However, “you were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires” (Eph. 4:22) “and clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ” (Rom.13:14). As you are being renewed day by day; so are your desires renewed and cleansed to reflect the desire of the Spirit of God. How do you do that? Well, it all begins in the mind. Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires (Rom.8:5). It is only natural if you find your desire in contrary to the Spirit, so that you do not do what you want (Gal.5:17).

The good news is “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires” (Gal.5:24). “The world and its desires will pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever” (1 John 2:16-18).

How can God be so confident of us or so confident of Himself (Him-selves)?

God is a God of integrity; God knows our hearts and He tests them (1 Chro.29:17; 1 Sam.16:7; 1 Thes.2:4). The Word says, when we seek Him, we WILL actually find Him when we seek Him with all our hearts (Jer.29:13). Amazingly, God also tells us where to find Him. Give a guess? Matthew 6:6 “But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” The Father is said to be in the secret place waiting for us to come to Him.

It is true that we have lots of desires, plans and dreams. But unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labour in vain… (Ps.127:1). Proverbs 19:21-23 says it best: “Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. What a man desires is unfailing love; better to be poor than a liar. The fear of the LORD leads to life: Then one rests content, untouched by trouble.”

Knowing that the fear of the Lord leads to life, I can now rest contented and untouched by trouble. God is not cruel; He does not want to destroy our dreams and desires. But He wants to bring it into His light and give it life. Just as the Lord has chosen Zion and has desired it for his dwelling: "This is my resting place for ever and ever; here I will sit enthroned, for I have desired it” (Ps.132:13-14); He has also chosen our hearts a place for His dwelling.

Being as human as we are, we have built walls of defences against people who hurt us, or might hurt us; built walls against pain, against receiving love, against trusting others, against disappointments, against desiring the best or even for the better… and the list goes on. But hear me out! The word “Zion” essentially means “fortification”. Our heart is a stronghold that God wants to strengthen by building defensive structure like walls or mounds for the purpose of resisting and defending us against the influence of Satan. Instead of trying to build our own walls using “Lego blocks”, why not allow God to build and fortify our hearts? Why “Lego blocks”? Because you and I know they will tumble one day. I trust, God is a much more skillful and talented builder compared to me. Another definition of fortified is used for wines that had grape spirit added to them. Here, the definition not only applies for wines; but for our lives too. God adds His Holy Spirit upon us to desire His will and with that, He strengthens our will. DONE! See how God strengthens and builds His wall around our hearts for His own dwelling? Let me re-quote Ps.127:1 “Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labour in vain…” (and the lyrics of this particular song continue with), “So let’s take time, to wait upon the Lord”.

Let this be our prayer: Isaiah 26:7-9a “The path of the righteous is level; O upright One, you make the way of the righteous smooth. Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts. My soul yearns for you in the night; in the morning my spirit longs for you”.

Selah

Having said so much about desire, learning to be contented is a great way to live. One of my favourite quote from Elisabeth Elliot's Let Me Be A Woman, quoting her husband Jim Elliot, “Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living”. Truly, as the Apostle Paul puts it: “But godliness with contentment is great gain” (1 Tim.6:6). Nothing else beats being contented in Christ!

Desire – Part 1

2010-02-28T15:39:00.007Z

The reason for this long post is because we've all got desires; whether they have been fulfilled or waiting to be fulfilled. Lately, I have been thinking about my desires and whether they are what God desires too. I want to know and understand “desire” more plus to know how to direct them as God desires. I'll split this long post into two – it's easier for digestion.

I began with a search on the word “desire” and one of the first few verses that struck me was: 2 Samuel 19:38 The king said, "Kimham shall cross over with me, and I will do for him whatever pleases you. And anything you desire from me I will do for you." And;

2 Samuel 23:5 "Is not my house right with God? Has he not made with me an everlasting covenant, arranged and secured in every part? Will he not bring to fruition my salvation and grant me my every desire?”

Am I willing to say to God or can I say to God with confidence, “I will do whatever pleases You. Anything You desire from me I will do for You”? Moreover, to say that to a fellow human being is rare and almost unthinkable. In our generation, we can hardly find such a man of integrity who is able to say likewise. God makes an everlasting covenant with each one of us and that covenant is arranged, secured in every part (2 Sam. 23:5), written about in the scroll (Ps. 40:7-9), and one that is sealed by His Spirit (Matt. 28:18-20). I believe our desires are endorsed by God. Even if we think it is of ourselves or of the flesh, if we yield to God, He has and will have to endorse it before He allows it to bear fruit in the natural. This is for the same reason mentioned in God's word: unless the seed/desire falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds (John 12:23-24).

The Bible talks about desire as something we rule over (1 Kings 11:37), as something that is birthed within our hearts (1 Chron. 29:17-19) - as He tests the intention of our hearts, placed in our hearts by God as they are God-guided (Ps. 107:29-31), meant to be satisfied (Ps. 145:15-17; Ps. 145:19; Prov. 10:24; Prov. 13:4), it has a purpose as it either brings good or evil (Prov. 11:23), can be stirred, aroused, or awakened (Eccl. 12:5; Song of Solomon 2:7), meant to be directed to God and His name (Isa. 26:7-9; Ps. 73:25; Ps. 40:8) and it is something we yield our spirit to (Gal. 5:17).

The Bible clearly distinguishes two types of desires:

1. Worldly desires/desires of the flesh and;

2. Desires of the Spirit.

Through my search of the Bible regarding desire, I found so many promises or desires fulfilled in the Bible. It is not just something of the past; it happens today too. God gives us the desire of our heart and does not withhold the request of our lips (Ps. 20:4; Ps.21:1; Ps. 145:19; Prov. 10:24; Prov. 11:23; Prov. 13:4). He satisfies our desires with good things so that our youth is renewed like the eagle's (Ps. 103:5); for hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life (Prov. 13:12).

There are desires of our hearts, such as a desire to live a well and good long life. “Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.” (Ps. 34:12-13)

Or desire for shelter and safety in Ps. 107:29-30: “He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven.”

Examples of desires that we should awaken or cultivate: Desire to know God (Ps. 73:25); desire wisdom for “She (wisdom) is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her” (Prov. 3:15; Prov. 17:16); eagerly desire spiritual gifts – especially the gift of prophecy (1 Cor. 12:31; 1 Cor. 14:1), desire what the Spirit desires (Rom. 8:5), desire to live honourably in every way (Heb. 13:18), and desire to do His will (Ps. 40:7-9).

There are also desires that God has placed in our hearts (2 Chron. 1:11): God said to Solomon, "Since this is your heart's desire and you have not asked for wealth, riches or honour, nor for the death of your enemies, and since you have not asked for a long life but for wisdom and knowledge to govern my people over whom I have made you king, therefore wisdom and knowledge will be given you. And I will also give you wealth, riches and honour, such as no king who was before you ever had and none after you will have." Solomon had a God-given desire for wisdom although he could have asked God for wealth, riches and honour or anything else for that matter.

Similarly, like all things under heaven, we are submitted to God's time and season. Even our desires have got their own time and season as to when they will be fulfilled. (Ps. 145:15-17) “The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. The LORD is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made.”

In Habakkuk 2:3-4 it says: For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay. "See, he is puffed up; his desires are not upright— but the righteous will live by his faith…” God is not a liar; He will prove Himself strong and Faithful. The promises of God are yes and amen; they come on time and will not appear to be a second or minute late.

As for the wrong desires in us, God will remove them if we allow Him. “How will I know if I have wrong desires?” you asked. The Word tells me “Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires” (Rom. 8:5). “For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want” (Gal. 5:17) and “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires” (Gal. 5:24). If our desires are contrary to the Spirit, they will be in conflict with each other. So then, are any of your desires in conflict with the Spirit? Uncertain about it? Let me give you another verse: 1 John 2:16-17 says “For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.” Therefore, the worldly desires will pass away; but remains, is our desire to do the will of God.

Does God have desires too? What does God desire then?

God's Desire

2 Chron. 9:8 and Song of Solomon 7:10 states that God delights in us and desires to uphold us forever. Hosea 6:6 and Ps. 40:5-7 says that God desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings. Psalm 51:6 tells me that surely God desires truth in the inner parts; for God teaches us wisdom in the inmost place. God intents to accomplish what He said He will do for He is a promise keeper and a God full of integrity and righteousness. Key verse: Isaiah 55:10-12 says “As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”

I believe that truth comes along with desire. Truth in our inmost being, truth about our true intentions; and with truth God provides wisdom to apply them and wisdom to carry out our desires. Somehow, unless and until our desire becomes His desire; or rather His desire becomes our desire, that seed has not gone through the process of falling to the ground; it will not bear much fruit. If we will, but surrender our desires to God and make His desire ours, until then Jesus said: "I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those you have given me, for they are yours. All I have is yours, and all you have is mine. And glory has come to me through them. I will remain in the world no longer, but they are still in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name—the name you gave me—so that they may be one as we are one" (John 17:9-11). If we realize all that we have, all that we are, all that we desire is His and is for His glory; nothing is impossible for we will not be in want.

Finally...

2010-02-11T17:59:00.012Z

Finally... I see the sun for the daylight; I feel His breath for the wind and He is here with me now. Spring is coming...

Sometimes I wonder, when will God call me home? Will it be sooner than I expected? How soon will it be? How would my loved ones take it? How would we part?

Often I imagine being in heaven with God and looking down on earth, also being part of the 'cloud of witnesses'...

I imagine myself, looking down at the funeral procession. Who do I see? What do I see? Who are the ones celebrating or who are the ones broken with tears? What will I leave as a legacy? What will people say about me? Will I achieve my lifelong dream by then? But... should I even leave these people behind? What will they make of me or what will they make of God? What will people make of life in such situations?

Will I leave behind a story good enough to be published as a book? What words of wisdom will I leave for those on earth? What will people remember me for? What have I done for God that is worth mentioning? Have I left a monument on earth that will cause someone to look to God? Will someone remember my music? Will anyone remember my piano playing? Will anyone remember my heart? Will they? Will you?

I do not know how long I'll be here; but this I know: I live each day for the Lord. I seek to live for His glory. Life is for living, they say. We've only got one life to live and therefore, live it to the fullest, live it for God! Life is short as God measure our days on earth. He knows the end from the beginning and He is the Alpha and Omega.

Psalm 39:4-5 "Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath." Selah

Surely, what is life but a breath. Heaven is the place where I belong. I wonder if it's only me which such thoughts or perhaps you have thought of it too... I know it's a very very odd post and probably disturbing to some. But hey, this is Charissa. Welcome to the real world! Sometimes I desire to live a long life. At other times, I would not mind going to heaven earlier. Yes it does sound selfish; and probably also the reason that holds me back from desiring a lot of things in life. For me, I feel that nothing beats being in His arms and beholding the beauty of His face... Also, nothing can take that desire away from our hearts from wanting to be with Him in heaven. It's meant only for God to fill and for us to seek Him. The moment everything else matters not; that's when you truly learn to live for God.

I want You, Lord! Let your goodness pass before me and Your presence go before me. One day, I know for sure we'll be together. This is my love letter to God =) ___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Spring is Coming by Steven Curtis Chapman

We planted the seed while the tears of our grief soaked the ground
The sky lost its’ sun and the world lost its’ green to lifeless brown
Now the chill in the wind has turned the Earth hard as stone
And silent the seed lies beneath ice and snow
And my heart’s heavy now, but I’m not letting go
Of this hope I have that tells me

Spring is coming, Spring is coming
And all we’ve been hoping and longing for
Soon will appear
Spring is coming, Spring is coming
It won’t be long now
It’s just about here

Hear the birds start to sing
Feel the life in the breeze
Watch the ice melt away
The kids are coming out to play
Feel the sun on your skin
Growing strong and warm again
Watch the ground
There’s something moving
Something is breaking through
New life is breaking through

Spring is coming (Out of these ashes beauty will rise)
Spring is coming (Sorrow will be turned to joy)
All we’ve been hoping and longing for (All we’ve hoped for)
Soon will appear (soon will appear)
Spring is coming (Out of the darkness beauty will shine)
Spring is coming (All Earth and Heaven rejoice)
It won’t be long now (Spring is coming soon)
It’s just about here (Spring is coming soon)

Click to hear the song: http://www.box.net/shared/ft6px3jvhq

Taken from Steven Curtis Chapman's new album - Beauty will Rise. Just a recommend site and article on to keep your heart pliable and burning for God: http://www.stevencurtischapman.com/music.htm

January 2010 feels like at the edge of the water...

2010-01-17T13:15:00.012Z

Have you ever been haunted
The way I've been by you?
And have you ever felt
The measure of the days
That I've spent waiting
Pining for you?

I can't see the sun for the daylight
I can't feel Your breath for the wind
I don't want to step from these shadows
Till You're comin' back again

I've dammed these emotions
To keep my lanterns lit
Shaken by this longing
Coursing through my veins
In my mind, I can't make sense of it

Can't see the sun for the daylight
I can't feel Your breath for the wind
I get so used to these shadows
Are You comin' back again?

Do we give up the search and turn out the lights?
And give up this Holy Ghost that rattles through the night?

Can't see the sun for the daylight
I can't feel Your breath for the wind
I don't want to step from these shadows
Till You come back again

Can't see the sun for the daylight
Can't feel Your breath for the wind
I get so used to these shadows
Will You chase away these shadows
When You come back again?

When You come back...again

____________________________________________________________________________
Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge. I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing."...LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalm 16:1-2; 5-11

Here is Love Vast as the Ocean

2010-01-10T18:37:00.010Z

Lyrics by William Rees, originally in Welsh; translated into English by William Williams in 1900. ‘Here Is Love’ is a love song which came out of the Welsh Revival in 1904.

Here is love vast as the ocean
Loving kindness as the flood
When the Prince of life, our ransom
Shed for us His precious blood
Who His love will not remember?
Who can cease to sing His praise?
He can never be forgotten
Throughout Heaven’s eternal days

On the Mount of Crucifixion
Fountains opened deep and wide
Through the floodgates of God’s mercy
Flowed a vast and gracious tide
Grace and love, like mighty rivers
Poured incessant from above
And Heaven’s peace and perfect justice
Kissed a guilty world in love

Let us all His love accepting
Love Him ever all our days
Let us seek His Kingdom only
And our lives be to His praise
He alone shall be our glory
Nothing in the world we see
He has cleansed and sanctified us
He Himself has set us free

In His truth He does direct me
By His Spirit through His Word
And His grace my need is meeting
As I trust in Him, my Lord
All His fullness He is pouring
In His love and power in me
Without measure
Full and boundless
As I yield myself to Thee.

Terebinth Tree

2010-01-09T18:11:00.003Z

A year ago, my mom shared with me that God impressed upon her heart that I have found my ‘terebinth tree’ – a place where I belong, a place where God is, a place where I have met with God, a place where I would not have found if I had remained in Malaysia, and it’s my hiding place in Him. In line with this, I did some study on the ‘terebinth tree’ as mentioned in the Bible. Here’s what I got:

Of all the trees God could have chosen to represent Israel in Isaiah 61:3, why did He choose the oak? Maybe the best–known oaks in the Bible are the “oaks of Mamre,” where Abraham settled in Hebron (Gen. 13:18). Today there is an oak referred to as Abram’s Oak near Hebron. It is 23 feet (7 meters) around, and its foliage reaches a diameter of around 90 feet (27 meters). A few, however, have reached a girth of 70 to 90 feet (21 to 27 meters). The slow-growing tree produces a hard, tough wood that is almost indestructible. After checking 11 different translations of Isaiah 61:3, I found five that simply say “trees of righteousness,” five say “oaks,” and one says “terebinth.” There are six Hebrew words in Scripture rendered “oak.” The word used in Isaiah 61:3 is ayil, which is most often translated “ram.” Its root word refers to strength and power. It can also mean “pillar” and refers to a strong leader. Pistacia (terebinth) develops a very deep and extensive root system and therefore remains green even in years of drought. It often sprouts from the stump after being cut, as noted in Isaiah 6:13. Because of its large size and great age, pistacia trees were well-known landmarks and were used as memorials for the dead. Absalom, great in his own eyes, was trapped in a large pistacia. As often in Scripture, great trees are associated with great men. Gideon was by a large pistacia when he was called by God (Judges 6:11). David faced Goliath in the Valley of the Pistacias (I Samuel 17:2) (elah in Hebrew).

From this, I realized that this secret place is a place I meet God face to face, a place that I encounter God and His love, a place of security and a fulfilling of God’s promise and will. It is also a place associated with greatness and a significant place in my life for such a time and such a season. More so, it’s a place to dig my roots deep into Christ, extend and expand from here. What reminded me of my ‘terebinth tree’ was today’s reading from Gen.28:10-22.

Meanwhile, Jacob left Beersheba and traveled toward Haran. At sundown he arrived at a good place to set up camp and stopped there for the night. Jacob found a stone to rest his head against and lay down to sleep. As he slept, he dreamed of a stairway that reached from the earth up to heaven. And he saw the angels of God going up and down the stairway. At the top of the stairway stood the Lord, and he said, “I am the Lord, the God of your grandfather Abraham, and the God of your father, Isaac. The ground you are lying on belongs to you. I am giving it to you and your descendants. Your descendants will be as numerous as the dust of the earth! They will spread out in all directions—to the west and the east, to the north and the south. And all the families of the earth will be blessed through you and your descendants. What’s more, I am with you, and I will protect you wherever you go. One day I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have finished giving you everything I have promised you.”

Then Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I wasn’t even aware of it!” But he was also afraid and said, “What an awesome place this is! It is none other than the house of God, the very gateway to heaven!” The next morning Jacob got up very early. He took the stone he had rested his head against, and he set it upright as a memorial pillar. Then he poured olive oil over it. He named that place Bethel (which means “house of God”), although the name of the nearby village was Luz. Then Jacob made this vow: “If God will indeed be with me and protect me on this journey, and if he will provide me with food and clothing, and if I return safely to my father’s home, then the Lord will certainly be my God. And this memorial pillar I have set up will become a place for worshiping God, and I will present to God a tenth of everything he gives me.”

Verse 15 struck me most: “...What’s more, I am with you, and I will protect you wherever you go. One day I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have finished giving you everything I have promised you.” These words seemed so familiar. I heard it before I left for England. But now, these words are taking me on a new journey. I see them partly fulfilled and partly in progress. This is my assurance – God will not leave me until He has finished giving me EVERYTHING He has promised me. Bethel is as significant as a ‘terebinth tree’. Every one of us should have our own “Bethel” and “terebinth tree”. These are places and encounters which keep a person focused on the promises, and gives strength at the lowest points of life. It is a remarkable and memorable place simply because heaven came down on earth and opened a stairway to heaven. Moments like these calls for a divine engagement with God; a meeting of hearts, where deep calls to deep... Our gateway to heaven only gets better by developing a deep and extensive root in Christ. Only then will we be able to “Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes. For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities.” (For a full picture, read Isaiah 54:1-5) Such is God’s covenant with those whom He loves.

A song of ascents

2009-12-06T02:59:00.003Z

If I could describe Your love, how would I describe it?
What choice of words would I use?

If I were to paint Your love, what would I draw to describe Your love?
Would colours be enough or would it remain as a blank white sheet?

If I were to sing or write a love song about Your love, how would it sound?
Rather, how should it sound? Would there be words? Or would there even be a sound? Selah

Take time to ponder while listening to 'Awaken'. God will reveal His love.
http://www.box.net/shared/pqqtsp05rp
(Taken from Alberto and Kimberly Rivera, Live Soaking Series Vol.1)

...More than the watchmen wait for the morning, more than the watchmen wait for the morning, my soul is yearning for Thee.

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope. ...put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with Him is full redemption." Psalm 130:5,7

Be Thou My Vision

2009-11-29T16:22:00.004Z

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best thought by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee, Thou with me Lord;
Thou my great Father, and I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle-shield, sword for my fight;
Be Thou my dignity, Thou my delight;
Thou my soul's shelter, Thou my high tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou mine inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my treasure Thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'ns Son!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O Ruler of all.

The Life I Owe

2009-11-22T18:31:00.012Z

Trust me, I have not earned your dear rebuke, -
I love, as you would have me, God the most;
Would lose not Him, but you, must one be lost,
Nor with Lot's wife cast back a faithless look,
Unready to forego what I forsook;
This say I, having counted up the cost,
This, though I be the feeblest of God's host,
The sorriest sheep Christ shepherds with His crook.
Yet while I love my God the most, I deem
That I can never love you over-much;
I love Him more, so let me love you too;
Yea, as I apprehend it, love is such
I cannot love you if I love not Him,
I cannot love Him, if I love not you.

Christina Rossetti

O Love, that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in Thee;
I give Thee back the life I owe,
That in Thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

George Matheson

Beautiful Mercy

2009-11-12T12:22:00.010Z

Beautiful Mercy by Laura Hackett

There is no pit too deep that Jesus cannot reach
There is no sorrow so strong that would overtake His beloved one

And He’s brought me to the wilderness where I will learn to sing
And He lets me know my barrenness so I will learn to lean

Beautiful Mercy, do what You have to do
Jealous Lover, do what You have to do

So I will sing; yes, I will sing
I will sing, even in this brokenness
I will sing, even in this loneliness

http://www.box.net/shared/cfreijqfxc

Found by love

2009-11-07T16:54:00.006Z

Jamie's Song by Kristene Mueller

She's a sparkle in her Father's eye
Kind of like the moon tonight
She's destined for divinity
His portion is His purity
And a glance His way comes across her face

He sheds a tear, oh oh
Amazing grace how sweet the sound
Amazing love
Oh she's been found
A sparkle in her Father's crown

Holy love come raining down
Come storming in, be jealous found
Come violent love, Come stormy seas
Sweep fear away and you shall be

And even if he had ninety nine
Stayed at home and stayed in line
He would not be satisfied
He would still go out to find
The one who's always on His mind
And bring her back, arms opened wide

He sheds a tear, oh oh
Amazing grace how sweet the sound
Amazing love
Oh she's been found

Holy love come raining down
Come storming in, be jealous found
Come violent love, Come stormy seas
Sweep fear away and you shall be

http://www.box.net/shared/j39kzls9kp

Learning to wait

2009-11-03T00:04:00.015Z

While I'm Waiting - John Waller

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting, I will serve You
While I'm waiting, I will worship
While I'm waiting, I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

"Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord" Psalm 27:14

http://www.box.net/shared/21zwqfegwk/1/16050572/350976430

Jesus: The Light of my life

2009-10-23T11:07:00.008+01:00

This miracle happened numerous times and I find it so amazing! I have no idea how it is formed, but yea, it is there... Rather, God is ALL OVER me and I will remain in His circle of love and protection.

Let me not live in vain...

2009-10-18T14:46:00.001+01:00

If I can help somebody as I pass along,

If I can cheer somebody with a word or song,

If I can show somebody he's traveling wrong,

Then my living will not be in vain.

If I can do my duty as a Christian ought,

If I can bring salvation to a world once wrought,

If I can spread the message as the master taught,

Then my living will not be in vain.

Adapted from The Historic "Drum Major Instinct Speech", delivered by Martin Luther King, Jr. at Ebenezer Baptist Church, Atlanta, Georgia, on 4 February 1968.

The Ultimate Source of Wisdom

2009-08-14T17:30:00.003+01:00

James 3:17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. (NIV)

As we go through life we discover there are many ways to gain wisdom, such as:
1) Writing down and reflecting on what we've learned through experience.
2) Gleaning from the collective knowledge of others. 'By pride comes nothing but strife, but with the well-advised is wisdom' (Proverbs 13:10 NKJV).
3) Thinking outside the box. Statements like, 'This is the way we do things around here' warrant scrutiny when they're used to defend ways that no longer work.
4) Not rushing to closure. Growth is always a work-in-progress. Creativity is untidy and unnerving. The ability to stay focused and faith-filled in the midst of change is a hallmark of maturity.

But the ultimate source of wisdom is God! A young executive told his secretary he'd an important meeting and didn't want to be interrupted. But his boss needed to see him and walked in. When he found the young executive on his knees praying, he withdrew quietly and asked the secretary, 'Is this usual?' 'Yes,' she replied, 'he does it every morning.' 'No wonder I come to him for advice!' said his boss. If you need wisdom, talk to God: 'For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding' (Proverbs 2:6 NKJV). 'If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally...and it will be given to him' (James 1:5 NKJV). 'The wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy' (James 3:17 NKJV). 'I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you...' (Psalm 32:8 NKJV).

(Adapted from UCB's Daily Devotion.)

Tagged

2009-08-14T16:27:00.002+01:00

Guess what? I just realised I was tagged. Sorry Mich!

1. What have you been doing recently?
I've been relaxing, pondering and preparing as much as I can for departure.

2. Do you ever turn your handphone off?
Only when it's bedtime!

3. What happened at 10am today?
LOL. I was still in bed...

4. When did you last cry?
Last night

5. Believe in Fate/Destiny?Destiny
Both

6. What do you want in life now?
Hmm... to treasure people around me. I want to know what to do in life in the near future.

7. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains or put up your hood?
If it drizzles, I'll put my hoody on. If it rains heavily, use the umbrella then.

8. What's your favourite thing to do in bed?
Sleep and day dream

9. What bottoms are you wearing now?
Err...pyjamas

10. What are the nicest things in your inbox?
Inbox? Mails from my parents and heart to heart emails from close friends.

11. Do you tend to make relationships complicated?
Nope. I'm not a complicated person (or so I think).

12. Are you wearing anything borrowed from anyone?
Borrowed? Nope

13. What was the last movie you caught?
Let me see... Ice-Age 3

14. What are you proud of?
I'm proud of my name, in full. Proud of who God has made me to be coz it's the best!

15. What does the oldest text message in your inbox say and who is it from?
It's from Hotlink offering me a KFC voucher.

16. What was the last song you sang out loud?
What He's done for me by Martha Munizzi

17. Do you have any nicknames?
Charis, Cassey

18. What does the newest text message say and who is it from?
"X think so" from my brother

19. What time did you sleep last night?
Before 1am

20. Are you currently happy?
I think so. I should be. Therefore I am.

21. Who gives you the best advice?
Much as I don't want to admit it at times, the best advice comes from my parents!

22. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
Why not?

23. Who did you talked to on the phone last night?
No one. My last call was from me mom in the evening.

24. Is something bugging you right now?
Maybe.

25. Who is the last person to make you laugh?
The first and last person to make me laugh - meself.

26. Do you like yourself?
Oh yes i do.

27. You want $5 or $10?
Both.

28. Do you think you are stupid sometimes?
Haha. I may be uninformed, yes; and do silly things, yes. I don't believe God made me stupid.

29. Who is your best best best friend?
A few. But the safest answer - Jesus.

30. What will you do if you like that boy?
LOL. I don't want to fall for a boy. I'd rather choose a man! But if it's a boy, I'll just say that he's cute.

31. Who are your favourite stars?
I don't remember them by name.

32. You hate your mother sometimes in some ways?
No I don't hate her at all. We're just different and we work out our differences.

33. Do you had even stead before??
Huh?

34. What type of boy/ girl do you like?
Good boys and good girls who love and obey the Lord and their parents.

35. Now are you single/attached?
I'm single and attached to God.

I'll end the tag here. I don't like tagging people coz I dislike being tagged too.

- THE END -

Alignment

2009-08-14T09:15:00.000+01:00

I had the privilege of having my neck and spine adjusted by a chiropractor. This act brought a thought to my mind. Physically, I have been adjusted and am perfectly well. When I am emotionally challenged, I have to realign my emotions with God’s Word. Spiritually, I need to be on a journey where God wants me to be. Proverbs 16:9 says this: “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” I may plan my course, but at the end of the day it is the Lord who determines the steps that I should take. Jesus Christ set the example by fixing His eyes on the Father. Jesus spoke in Luke 9:23 saying: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” The best way to keep my life aligned with God’s will is to pick up my cross daily and fix my eyes on Jesus - who is the Author and Finisher of my faith.

You're still You

2009-06-14T18:58:00.002+01:00

I thought something’s missing
I thought I’d lost it all
I thought I’d to start all over again
I thought I might not find what I’m looking for

Leaving you behind and praying that you’ll come
Wishing that you’ll never leave me but to stay by me
Hoping you’ll at least tag along so that I’ll feel secure
Am not willing to loose it all again... nor to loose you

But you came; you came along
You never left me all along
You stood by me and loved me still
You looked from afar and tenderly called me to you

Much as my fears may swallow my faith;
Much as my tears may fail to fall;
None of my fears became a reality
For my faith hung on and it grew.

You came; held me so closely
Ever so lovingly called me by name
How could I not realise that?
That you did not change, no matter where you are...

You came as you used to and instantly my heart recognized
It was that same touch; that same love;
And most importantly - the same person.
You’re still you after all.

I sat there reminiscing your love and embrace;
How love has brought us through...
Selfish was I to say that I’d rather die to remain in your love
But you gave me a better way to live in your love forever

Seeds of love are to be planted; and not put to death.
As long as heaven wills, it will remain on earth.
You and I are meant to be a seed of love that lives on,
Producing seedlings that are sown far and wide – for love knows no end.

Changes - the constant thing in life

2009-04-18T17:51:00.002+01:00

This past month has been filled with changes, realignment and adaptation - a crystallizing of certain plans, truths and dreams.

People come into your life and people go. Sometimes, it happens that they are just not on the same path as you are. Many have left and so have they left me wondering; what have I still left? Knowing that this is a road not taken leaves, a vague understanding and assurance that everything will be alright. Yet, there is always a God who overwrites our plans.

Unknowingly, I have changed. I would love to state all the good changes in my life. But the fact is that as we change, there is always the good and the bad about it. Considering this, what perfection is there to find apart from God? If you were to view everything from God's eyes, Everything is Good. Apart from God, can you find perfection at all?

With changes comes realignment. It's all up to us to adapt or refuse these changes. When we choose to adapt and realign our lives according to the way God wants it to be, there is unity, love and submission to the Spirit. But when we disagree, it will take us through the tougher journey before we submit to God's will. Thus, time and energy is wasted in refusing God; whereas we could have been obedient to God and could have conquered more. When we choose to change, there is a progress going on.

This is also a season of Passover. Passing through the desert into the promise land; passing from the old into the new; allowing the flesh to passover and allowing the Spirit to rule; passing dreams and desires over to God whilst seeing it bloom and crystallize as time goes by... As this season passes over, I want to remain in anticipation for Resurrection and Life! For all that I need is found in Him.

Much as life changes, people change, seasons come and go - Jesus Christ don't change mate!

Love in the wilderness

2009-03-17T23:04:00.002Z

My lover spoke and said to me,
"Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me.
See! The winter is past;
the rains are over and gone.
Flowers appear on the earth;
the season of singing has come,
the cooing of doves is heard in our land.
The fig tree forms its early fruit;
the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.
Arise, come, my darling;
my beautiful one, come with me."

(Song of Songs 2:10-13)

Charissa's Song of Songs

2009-03-12T14:01:00.001Z

My soul is consumed with longing for you;
I have been waiting for you all my life.
It’s you I seek; it’s you I long to be with
My soul yearns deeply as my heart cries out.

Come my lover, come to me.
It is time and now is.
Heavens shall open and shine on you
In the light of eternity, I will know – it’s you.

Never has there been anyone like you,
Never will there be anyone like you.
You and I are destined to be together
Forever we shall stay as one.

Have I seen your eyes?
Do I know your heart?
Let me feel your heartbeat
Let me know you’re near.

Walk with me;
And I shall follow thee.
Dance and sing
As love becomes more than a melody.

Sing to me and I will answer thee;
With a recitative in the key of D.
I hear you call my name
Your voice enchants all of me.

Here I am waiting
Passionately for that day.
When vows are exchanged,
Our love and life are set ablaze.

Then I will embrace a new name;
Then I am yours forever.
Stay closely with Love,
Till our hearts entwine as one.

The Mystery of Marriage

2009-03-04T22:43:00.014Z

Quoting from Mike Mason's book The Mystery of Marriage:

Real love is always fated. It has been arranged before time. It is the most meticulously prepared of coincidences. And fate, of course, is simply a secular term for the will of God, and coincidence for His grace (Mason in Joshua Harris, Boy Meets Girl, pp 219-220).

This passage reminds me of God's blue-print, the master plan that He has in His hands. Much as human beings have disrupted God's master plan; it does not disrupt Him. His plan still proceeds. Truth will still reign. God is still God of the past, present and future. Resting in the knowledge of God's divine plan is the best thing to do. As Elisabeth Elliot phrase it: It’s a relief to know that there is a divine design. And this knowledge is the secret of serenity. I truly trust in His divine plan, as my heart is His, I will watch Him cross two paths at just the right time...

Dedicated to all my family and friends

2009-02-18T22:33:00.002Z

You can kiss your family and friends good-bye
and put miles between you,
but at the same time you carry them with you
in your heart, your mind, your stomach,
because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.

– Frederick Buechner, Telling the Truth.

Happy 1st Anniversary Charissa!

2009-01-19T13:39:00.002Z

Finally... after months of hard work and sweat on my dissertation, it's finally completed and submitted! Ah, am so proud of myself. (The night before submission, I was proofreading my dissertation in my dream...goshhh)

1st Anniversary of what you asked? Well, first anniversary of being away from home for 365days and living in the U.K. First anniversary of a new journey with my Lover! =)

Genesis

2009-01-08T13:31:00.011Z

Just like every year, my new year resolution is to finish reading the Bible in a year. But this time, I found a very interesting yearly Bible reading plan - that is to read the Bible in a chronological manner. So, beginning with Genesis, here's what I've discovered in Genesis chapter 3 regarding 'The Fall of Man'.

Since I've been working on my dissertation regarding the power of music, naturally when I read the Bible, I tend to notice the creation and beginning point of music mentioned in the Bible. In verse 8 it says:"Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden." (Italics added) I wondered what kind of sound did they hear or what sound did God make while He was walking. I don't think God had such heavy footsteps. Neither did the Bible say that He was jogging through the garden of Eden in search of Adam and his wife. The Bible doesn't say that God was humming or whistling or calling out Adam's name. Moreover it was in the cool of the day... Where birds were chirping and the animals were well alive and happily hopping around. Everything was peaceful and calm. Even with this, Adam and his wife heard the sound of the LORD. Okay, maybe, just maybe Adam and his wife had really sharp ears that they could distinguish God's footsteps from the rest. But yet, the Bible does not say that they heard the 'footsteps of the LORD...'; it says they heard the sound of the LORD. Revelation 1:14-15 describes the Lord:"His head and hair were white like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes were like blazing fire. His feet were like bronze glowing in a furnace, and his voice was like the sound of rushing waters." This is the closest description about the sound of the Lord that is mentioned in the Bible. I was pondering over it and I personally believe God's presence carries heavenly sound, melodies, harmonies that abides with Him wherever He goes. The spheres of harmony surrounding Him. It was the glory of God that surrounded Him. It was also a heavenly music that encompasses the Lord. His presence itself is enveloped by such a sound. Have and think about it... what sound was that?

In the order of creation, God first made the heavens and the earth. Then came the living creatures. And Adam was formed. From Adam came a woman. Notice that Adam did not immediately name his wife Eve. He called her woman. It was only after the fall did he name her Eve, which means living or mother of all the living (v.20). Well, the woman was first tempted and she gave in to the lust of the eyes. She ate the fruit and gave some to Adam. After the fall, this is what God said to the woman in verse 16: To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." (Italics added) For a moment, I thought about what woman was created for and what was her initial desire for. Woman was first made as a suitable helper for Adam. Just like Adam, God made the woman to fellowship with Him. With that, her desire was initially for the Lord. Her desire was for God and to help govern the earth. In view of that, Adam and the woman probably had a par level of authority. Equal in many ways.

But verse 16 says that a woman's desire will be for her husband and he will rule over her. From a woman's point of view, I would say that there is a constant struggle in a woman's heart to honor the Lord and to desire only for Him and no one else. Be it a young woman or a single woman, or a married woman, or even a widow... we constantly battle between the desire to love and honor God and to love our husbands or the men around us. I realised from creation's point that I was made to desire of the Lord; and not for my husband. In offering Adam the fruit, the woman gave her rights and authority to the man. Thus, God said that he shall rule over the woman. The punishment is this, that the authority that was once the woman's is now under the headship of the man. She is to submit to his ruler-ship. And as a man who first received the command of the Lord in Gen.2:16-17: And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die", he failed to keep that command. And now, God wants him to rule over his wife and not give in to her blindly. God wants Adam to protect and secure the command that was first spoken and given to him, by being the head over the woman.

Gen.3:17-19 (v.17) To Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat of it,' "Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life... In Adam's fall, he now have to toil the ground and he will return to the ground when he dies. Notice the process of creation that begins with the earth, Adam and then the woman. Now that Adam and the woman have lost their authority, the 'curse' is a reverse of the direction of creation. The woman has to now submit to the man. And the man is bound by the law of earth. Everything was first placed under Adam's feet. But now, Adam has to sweat and toil the ground. The chain of authority is broken.

After all these, in verse 20, Adam names his wife Eve. 'In dying you shall die...', a process of continuous death was the price to pay. And Adam named her Eve, to be the mother of all the living which brings about life and hope to all creation.

All in all, God is still Almighty and the Ruler of all creations. He is the Life above all life.

God = Love

2008-11-23T18:13:00.006Z

For the very first time, I saw a rainbow in the western sky. I've not seen one since I arrived in UK. It was a big rainbow spread across the highway. It was lovely. As always, it reminded me of God's covenant. So did it remind me that I am His covenanted child.

"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." 1 John 4:8

A simple truth like that can blow your mind when you realise that God, is love itself.

I've always heard teachings to personalize a scripture or a passage in the Bible to relate it with your own condition or speak something into being. One of the most famous passage read and quoted during weddings is from 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

So, replace the word Love with your name. Try it. Speak it aloud. Or try saying, "With love, I am patient, I am kind..."

After that, replace the word love with 'God' instead. It turns out:
"God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, God does not boast, God is not proud. God is not rude, God is not self-seeking, God is not easily angered, God keeps no record of wrongs. God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. God never fails."

Oh I love the last part where it says, "God never fails...". And that passage speaks of God's heart for all who believes and have known this Person called Love. Nothing, will be able to seperate us from His love; not even death. Indeed, He never ever fails; He will not fail me nor will He ever fail me unless I choose to fail. Even if I fail, it doesn't make God a failure. Because He reigns! He is my victor! And therefore, I am a victor in Christ!

To die I must

2008-11-18T11:23:00.003Z

This season of love is also a time of dying a thousand deaths... These days I feel like I have to die a thousand deaths before I can move on to another stage in life.

I am reminded that the seed must die in order for the plant to grow. Strength comes when one can lay it all down again - build an altar of sacrifice before God. Indeed, this lesson is not and has never been an easy one; but it is a necessary process, til the day when I truly die...

In love...

2008-11-10T13:41:00.002Z

God remembers... He remembers everything about me. He remembers that I exist in His plan. He remembers and calls me by name. He knows me so well.

Yesterday was Remembrance Sunday in England. It's a special day to remember men and women who sacrificed their lives during the first and second world wars. How often do we even think about people who have made an impact in our lives? Or stood for us when we needed someone to defend us? Cried with us when we needed a shoulder? Prayed together with us when our words were limited? How often do we think and remember them? How about the people who crossed our paths and have gone to the grave? Do we value their lives and what they've done for us?

Of this I'm sure, that God remembers them. Each and everyone of them. He even remembers each and everyone of us. Nothing slips His mind. Nothing is too small to be hidden from God.

His love is so vast... wider and deeper than the oceans, further and broader than any sky that's above us. His love just amazes me. He even has my name embedded on His heart. He remembers that I am called even when I thought that was somewhat gone and done with. At times that calling seems like it's in the far future; at times it is at present, it is the everyday walk and the 'now(s)'. All these, He knows. He remembers. He reminded me about my calling once again. My Jesus... Thank You for remembering. I know He has my future in His hands. I am found in Him, secured and breathing His mercies every morning. This season that I'm in marks a new beginning. A new season. A new day. It's so refreshing to hear God's call. I am reminded of His amazing grace... And this I know, I am in love. Love so sweet and so divine - only heaven can offer. I recalled a word that was given to me. I was seen in a white gown, like that of a bride. My pretty dress was gradually filled with pearls. That's how God is beautifying my life, with pearls of destiny... I can't wait to meet my groom =)

The path that leads to life

2008-11-01T17:59:00.006Z

It has been quite a while since I last updated my blog. October has been quite a busy month. It feels like life has started once again. My classes in Uni started, new time-table to get accustomed to, getting back into a student's life once again, learning to balance my time along with new commitments I've taken up since Summer, balancing work and studies, practising my Cantonese (which sounds really odd), getting my dissertation started, learning that it can snow in October... well with all these in mind, I attended 2 conferences and made a day-trip to Stratford-upon-Avon. I'm left with hardly any 'personal time' for myself but I make sure that there's always time for God.

New challenges I've faced this past few months - allowing the life of Christ to be revealed through me and sharing Christ to people around me. There were times I wished I could just abandon it all and go all out for God like the missionaries back then or just being in the dirt loving and hugging children whom their parents have abandoned... I may not be bold enough to hug a lost and wandering soul on the street but I could at least offer some food and shelter. Why should I even apply logic when God goes with the supernatural and impossibilities made possible? Why bother about the credit crunch when there are people dying out there everyday? ...I often wonder who and what I'll be if I were to abandon it all, break out of normality and logic; and allowing the fullness of Christ' risen body to live through mine - I bet I'd be a totally different person.

What a distorted world we live in that makes me sad because it has become so ugly without love. It hurts to know that there are lesser people loving and showing love to each other, living creatures and even the earth. Life in this world is full of pressure - unnecessary pressure. What is life if you're not in controlled? What is life when you can actually control but you choose to leave it as it takes you? We have been given the power and authority to command things into being. Power to take-charge. Power to speak things into being. Power to change the world. I do not want to stop believing in the power of love - where the power to heal and the source of life comes from. By believing in Love, you are believing in God. Simply because God is Love and also, He is the source of love. Where love exist, God exist. Where God reigns, love unleashes and prevails. Everything that births forth not out of love, is not of God. Everything we do that is not done in love and faith, is not done for God and neither will God approve. Quit complaining, start believing and give thanks. I do not want to live my life in vain nor do things in vanity.

To everything there is a time and a season under heaven. Man may plan his course but God directs his steps. A course is usually of a longer and further journey. Steps are usually small active acts of faith. Well, if one doesn't apply faith to his steps, he wouldn't even be moving isn't it? See how God allows us to plan our future; and as limited as we are as humans, we can only see our future from afar. But what God does is, He leads our steps. Taking one step at a time, living one day at a time... If we can't even see the 'step' before us, we would remain where we are until we can see a step before us. If not, it'll look like those scenes you see in the cartoons where the character falls to the ground because it wasn't even standing on a solid foundation. Another point to consider regarding 'steps': do you see yourself as walking up the stairs, or walking down the stairs, or even just taking a few steps on a straight path? How you see yourself and the path that you are taking shows which road you are on and determines where you are going. To my friends out there who are wondering when I'll be back, this is for you. The road I'm on is the 'road not taken...'. It's a long journey before I reach my destination. Therefore, choose ye this day, which road ye should be on. (Because it's a no-turning-back road which leads to life eternally!)

My Everything

2008-10-13T12:29:00.004+01:00

Rendered speechless by Your beauty
Lord, I'm blown away
With everything that's in my heart
A million words could never say all there is to say

You're more than just a song
You're more than just a whim
You're more than just a passing fantasy
You're my Everyday
You're my Every Way
You're my Everything

If I could see forever
In just one moment I would say
These todays are worth tomorrow
When I will see You face to face

I want to be with You
I need to be with You
I long to be with You, precious King
So with every day, Lord, in every way
You're my Everything

You're my Everything
You're my Everyday
You're my Every Way
You're my Everything

http://www.box.net/shared/y415i0g4tf

Finding true L♡VE

2008-09-06T22:52:00.004+01:00

August has been rather melancholic yet praises and thanksgiving has never been lacking.

In my pursuit for true love and true self, I have known The One who is always constant and true, perfect in every sense, never lacking in any way. His name is Love.

1 John 4:16 says that "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him."

Life isn't easy without love. Life cannot go on without love. Love is part of who we are because it reflects our Maker who is full of love. One cannot love unless he has known Love. One cannot give unless he has received the gift. One cannot see unless he has encountered. One cannot know unless he is known. One cannot die to which he has not a heart for... And one cannot live unless he has known love.

I have also discovered that life is full of fears. I fear if I would run out of love for God... I fear if I walk this journey of life without God... I fear if I place other people and other things more importantly than God... But 1 John 4:18 tells me that "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear..." God is love and God's love is perfect; therefore I need not fear but to remain in perfect love. For that same love shall hover and encompass me till I am made perfect in Love.

I recall myself playing the piano, together with my whole family singing along, adding beats and echoing as we sang praises to God till the night is through. I truly miss that!

Another precious moment together with my brothers would be - anticipating sunrise together. This is love and this is where it last forever.

His love unfolds like daylight,
His grace like twilight,
His mercies like the morning; and
His peace like the night.

His joy like a love song,
His voice like a whisper,
His forgiveness like the Cross; and
His Salvation like no other.

Beautiful One I Love...

2008-07-27T18:31:00.008+01:00

Here I sit
Staring into the deep blue sky
Wondering how far You are from me
I’m sure heaven could see me smile at You.

A few planes flew past…
I wished I could fly home
For home is where my heart is.
More than that, Home is here - where You are.

Home, where I belong
Where I came from;
From whom You created
And said “It is very good.”

I desire to embrace You
My soul longs for You
My heart yearns for more of You
My spirit is one with You.

Who can separate us O Lord?
I don’t want to be apart from You
I just want to be near You
Close to Your heart

For Your heart captivates me
In patience, I set an ambush
Waiting to capture You
As if I ever can…

Can I hold You in my arms?
Can I lean on You to hear Your heartbeat?
Can I stay forever at ‘Home’?
Can I be… like You?

My heart thirst for something that’s real.
There must be more than this…
Could there be nothing else, but You?
Must there be everything else, and You?

It feels like forever when You are near
My one desire, as always, is to be with You.
No one else, but You.
Nothing else, but You.

Not a sound, not a sight, not a breath…
Surround me and fill me
Surreal as feels
But I know it well, You – are real.
And that You, are here.

You need not die for me;
You need not walk that journey.
Why…? Suffer for a sinner like me?
What good do You see in me?

All I have… all I have… is You
All I have to offer is this life You gave.
Nothing of me is mine.
Everything of me is Yours and Yours only.

My heart is Yours.
I’m becoming so much like You.
Yet, let my heart be like Your heart.
Let Your life, reign in mine.

Overtake me… Overflow me…
Overpower me… Consume me…
I have nothing left… nothing to offer…
Nothing of me is worthy…

I find myself perishing daily
For only You know why.
The more I die, the more I am real;
The more real I am, the more You live!

You are more than I know,
More than I’ve sung,
More than I’ve experienced,
More than enough for me…
So much so, my heart cannot contain.
It fails to love You as You deserve
It cannot fathom, Your poured out love.

As blood flows like water…
As tears flows like rain …
So will my heart run hard after Thee.
Like an old well, so will You revive.

For You look into the deepest parts of me
And You, my Hero, has dug out Life from my inmost being.
It becomes a fountain of life,
As streams of praise rises to Your throne…

There my heart is…
Where treasure lies.
Here is where I meet You face to face
This is where, love last forever…

My heart has been overtaken…

2008-07-18T00:06:00.004+01:00

Lately, I feel like I’m crazy. Crazy in the sense of talking to myself, laughing hard at jokes or silly things I did, crying for no reason, entertaining myself and being crazily in love with God. How else can I explain Charissa being crazy except for the fact that her heart has been overtaken by God?

Just this few days, I’ve got this weird feeling. I am happy on the outside but my heart was aching on the inside. Does that even make sense? For one moment, I can be happy under the sun; the next moment, I am overtaken by that ache in my heart. It’s unexplainable. There were times I was just talking to God as usual and suddenly I felt like crying… or rather my heart was crying deep inside. Gosh… I realised it wasn’t purely just me. I wondered if that was God’s heart in pain. It must be of God. If not, I might be labelled ‘weird’ and ‘abnormal’ or worst of, ‘emo’. But I was convicted that I needed to spend intimate time with God.

At first I was just singing and worshipping God. Then on my knees I went. Tears came… I was convicted of sin because of the slight ignorance of my conscience, complaints I made before God, and because my heart wandered away from God in some areas. I’ve not felt such strong conviction of these so called ‘little things’ or ‘slight mistakes’ I made in the daily walk of life. But just at that moment, I couldn’t resist God. I repented. It was a good experience. Now I know better - that when you’re walking so close to God, the slightest mistake or the little wrongs you do can be such a strong offence before God. That I have come to know… God takes things so seriously. After all that, I started to laugh and giggle. Ha-ha. I myself thought myself as crazy. I was laughing so hard till I couldn’t sit still in one position. For a moment, it was the joy and laughter from the Holy Ghost. I was like a drunken person… Okay, now… Charissa - drunk?? Yeah, I was somewhat drunk in the Spirit. After laughing, I continued with crying since I’m more familiar with that. It was funny in a way. I was crying and laughing and crying and laughing. “God, what’s this all about?” I asked. I was reminded of the verse in the Bible where it says: Do not be drunk with wine in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Holy Spirit. (Eph.5:18) It was quite a remarkable experience!

My heart is so overwhelmed by God’s love. It feels like there’s this fire and passion in me that wants to break out. I can’t contain it any longer… I won’t be able to… It does feel like it’s breaking me apart. I am so overwhelmed by it till I start laughing while I am walking on the streets or I start crying when I think about God. It’s gonna burst. It’s like the main gate of the water damp that can no longer hold back the accumulated water… Oh God, what am I to do? I want to break out! I wanna live with much more passion for Jesus. I can only surrender and walk in Your will. If I could have one desire – I want to be with You, forever.

There is nothing more inspiring than seeing people who understand what they were made for and are living it out, people of passion and vision. – by Andrew Poxon.

Norman Cousins said, 'Death isn't the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.'

Once again, live with passion!

"Seasons of Love"

2008-07-04T17:41:00.004+01:00

Time flies...

It's now July 2008. Sometimes I can't believe that I've been here in England for nearly half a year now because it feels like I've been here longer than that. Months before I came to Great Britain, I felt that I don't belong to my comfort zone anymore. I felt in my heart, I should be somewhere else other than in Malaysia. It was when I arrived in England, I felt so good. It was where I am supposed to be. Just last month, I felt so assured because I am in the centre of God's will for my life. I took time to embrace the call of God upon my life once again. It feels so good to know that you're right there, in the centre of His will, where He wants you to be.

I reviewed my goals for 2008 last night. Wow, it has been a fruitful and profitable year. Profitable in the sense of having new friends, learning to live an independent life, learning to take care of myself, learning to do things for myself, learning to yield more to the Father, learning and observing different ways of life. I managed to achieve most of the goals planned. Most of all, God is building in me a foundation that cannot be shaken. It has been a challenging first-half of the year. But I sailed through it well with God guiding my bearings and commanding nature to submit to His will for my good. This second-half of the year will be greater, with more challenges and changes to make. I'm half way through my Bachelor Degree. Cool...

Life has been so good with God around. I spent a lot of time on the bus reflecting on life, discussing it with God, listening to what God has to say, having new thoughts and at the same time correcting wrong thoughts and just enjoying His fellowship+love. I am so in love with God these days... Partly because I am alone most of the time and He's always there. God just gave me a hug the other day. Ha ha. I was in such a lonely-pathetic state that I wanted a hug from God so badly. And He gave me a hug I so desired. God is always more than enough. He is so lovable!!

It's not just a seasonal change from Spring to Summer; but also a season of love. A season of warmth and passion. A season to love and to be loved. For me, it is to pour my love on God and allow God to pour His love on me. To love people around me and care for them. To love music and all that God has placed in my heart to do. To love life. To be passionate for what I love doing and enjoy what I don't like doing. It's time for me to step out of my "shell" and timidness and thus allow that passion and fire along with gentleness to overflow. In doing so, not only does it set me free, consequently it sets people free and on fire too.

Here's another song to accompany this post. It's called "Seasons of Love" taken from a Broadway musical labelled as Rent. I've included the tracks for the songs I posted on my blog under the link 'My Music!'.

Seasons of Love
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Moments So Dear
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure - Measure A Year?

In Daylights - In Sunsets
In Midnights - In Cups Of Coffee
In Inches - In Miles
In Laughter - In Strife

In - Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure A Year In The Life

How About Love?
How About Love?
How About Love?
Measure In Love

Seasons Of Love
Seasons Of Love

Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Journeys To Plan
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure The Life Of A Woman Or A Man?

In Truths That She Learned
Or In Times That He Cried
In Bridges He Burned
Or The Way That She Died

It's Time Now - To Sing Out
Tho' The Story Never Ends
Let's Celebrate
Remember A Year In The Life Of Friends

Remember The Love
Remember The Love
Remember The Love
Measure In Love

Measure, Measure Your Life In Love

Seasons Of Love...
Seasons Of Love

http://www.box.net/shared/q0aglla8lr

New things

2008-06-12T22:32:00.010+01:00

God has been reminding me that He is with me always. Always...

Three significant ministers of God have told me similar things like that. The first word I received was that God is changing the course of my life a little but at the same time I should not fear, because Jesus is holding my hand and walking with me. The second word was received in a Ladies' Conference. The theme of this Destiny Conference was taken from Psalm 139:16 "Not in the hand of man but in the hand of God." We were asked to 'step in' to the river glory and to pick up a pearl which represented each of our destinies. When I was ready, I went forth. And into that 'river' I waded. There was a pearl, laid bare before me. It was just for me - it was my destiny. I picked it up and held it tightly; offered thanks to God, for He remembers me and He knows my destiny. The word that was released to me was that though the world may have abandoned me; but God, He never abandoned me. I thank God for that. Much as I felt that the world abandoned me, God just stood before me with opened arms...

From time to time, I do feel lonely. I realised that nothing can take away that loneliness; for it is meant for me to run to God. And finally, I received another comfort from my Papa in heaven. This pastor said to me: "You are not alone. You are not alone... And in times to come, you will know this even more. And He will put a smile on your face like never before... God is doing a new thing in your life." It made me realise how I felt deep inside that God had to assure me time and again. It's just a fact that I do feel that I am alone in this. Standing alone as the only christian in the house; walking back home alone after class; shopping for things alone; going to church and for cell group alone; praying alone; studying music alone... and the list goes on. But it is in these times that I grew so much closer to the Lord. It is in these times that God seems to be ever so close to me. It is in these times that I am able to reflect on life and talk to God about it... And it's just me and Him. You and me, Lord. Perfect! I realised how much more I need to love myself, how much more I need to care for myself; how much more I need to encourage myself, how much more I entertain myself. Ha ha. Yes... I makes jokes and laugh about it myself. Sometimes, even God jokes with me. His jokes are so much better!! It is being independent yet being able to stand on solid rock. The world around me may sway; but God does not change. He is ever the same, ever more loving. Furthermore, God is always doing a new thing, isn't He? I'll enquire further from the Lord.

There was a point of time, smiling seemed to be an impossible thing to do. It was just so unnatural to do it. At times, we missed out the simple yet essential beauty in life. It comes so easily as a gift; yet we need to guard it or else the enemy will come and take it away. I love the song Smile by Nat King Cole. It reminds me of the simple things in life that doesn't come free nowadays...
(http://www.box.net/shared/g4h0lfgnxm)

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile.

So, SMILE! =) Life is still worthwhile and all the more worthwhile with God in our lives!

* Light *

2008-06-12T21:22:00.005+01:00

In the past month, I've experienced different things. New things as well as old. During one of the outreach meetings in church, I was exposed to rap music. Not that I've not heard people rap before, but I've not heard people rapping about God... not just that, but while rapping, I felt the presence of God. That made such a great difference. It brought out the 'light'. The two rappers stood up for their faith, separating the truth from lies; the light from darkness; the spiritual from the natural...

There's something about the light that causes it to shine even in the midst of darkness...

"The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear?" Psalm 27:1a
"For You will light my lamp; The LORD my God will enlighten my darkness." Psalm 18:28
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." Psalm 119:105

What do you think this LIGHT and LAMP refers to? When we gave our lives to Jesus, our spirits were joint as ONE with His. This light, is the light of God that enlightens our spirit. This light is also the Spirit of God.

For 1 John 1:5 says: "This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all."
In Revelation 21:23, "The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp."

Before we knew Him, we were living in darkness and had darkness in us. But when we turned to Jesus, He lit up our spirit, enlighten our path and thus, showed us where we were and are heading. Jesus is our Lamp today. He turns our lamp on and directs our path. He makes known the hidden places amidst darkness. I heard this saying just yesterday, that in every GIANT, there is a weak point. In every problem, there is a weakness. All we need to do is to identify the weak areas, and take the giant down!! It's amazing how God sheds His light on us in the midst of darkness in this world; and shows us what it means to be a light to the world. It is going beyond head-knowledge, beyond what we feel inside, beyond just worshipping... but to ENQUIRE of the Lord. For then...

Psalm 27:5-6 "For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the LORD."

This is what God will do for us. He will keep us safe in His pavilion; set our feet on solid Rock; and lift up our heads to the coming King. Also then, we will offer up sacrifices of praise.

Can you enter my world??

2008-05-22T23:17:00.003+01:00

Being a musician, or an artist, or a designer... We tend to dwell in our own world. How genuine are we outside of our own world? Or how authentic are we when we are in our world? How do we measure the authenticity and the creativity? Do we allow others to judge us by what we produce or by who we are? Who are we in our own world? How do we as musicians, composers, conductors, performers, artists, singers,... how do we open up our world? How much of our world can the world feel or understand? Or would it even be possible for people to understand?

It is said that 'a picture paints a thousand words'. Does music sing a thousand songs then? But can music be described as something that "sings"? Or something that we hear? Even by looking at a same picture or painting, everybody interprets it differently. People see it from different aspects and people appreciate it in different ways. What happens when Beethoven's Fifth Symphony is played? Or when Gershwin's Fascinating Rhythm is sung? Do you think everyone hears the same thing? Have you ever noticed what happens after a concert? What do people talk about? "Oh, that soprano singer went a little flat in the middle section." "That was good! I like the way the conductor conducts this piece." "Wow! Did you notice how the pianist played those notes? I couldn't even see her fingers. I need more practice if I want to be as good as her." These may be some of the usual comments made. But beyond all these, what makes a pianist good? What makes the conductor's skills admirable? What makes the singer go out of tune? One may hear the singer singing it perfectly all right; but to the critical ears, it may be not just "a little flat" but out of pitch. Everyone may be listening to the same piece, but hearing different things.

How then can we judge music when everyone perceives differently? Can words be enough to describe what actually goes on in a performer's mind and thus presents it as he has premeditated? Is it always that accurate? Does he always produce what he wanted? Is music something to be contained? Does it have a form or merely sound? What makes music, music?

Ah... questions. As a musician, my aim is to make music and allow that power it has, to interpret and share my world. One of the principles I live by is to be real. First and foremost, is to be real to myself and to God. And then, be real to others and to the world. How do we measure the authenticity and creativity then? By the fruits it produce and what lasting legacy it carries.

When one is so absorb with the flow of thoughts, feelings, imaginary picture and end result that one foresees, bystanders can't help but to just wait as it progresses towards a final product. Unless you are in it, together with the visionary, you can't flow nor foresee what is ahead. Yesterday, I witnessed an inspiring conductor - Kevin Stannard, our choir maestro. As he conducted and led us (the choir) in Mass in G, he was full of zeal and expression; not leaving any chance for imperfections, only room for overwhelming responses... He completed that piece with a moment of silence as drips of sweat flowed down his face... Wow, I was overwhelmed myself. It triggered something inside of me - that is to believe in what you are doing and to do it with all your heart! The passion and zeal will naturally surface when that overtakes you...

There may be a gap between composers and performers; between performers and audience; between the composer and the audience too. But from ages past, composers, performers, critiques and audience have been trying to bridge this gap. As real as we can be, as authentic as our music may sound, this is who we are, what we believe and how we function. Sometimes, our music does not always work out the way we want or expected it to. This is a gap we need to bridge; between our thoughts and our actions plus the outcome. Theories, rules, rhythm, tempi, style, form, structure, texture, timbre, harmonies, melodies,... these are all man-made rules to abide with and a way to interpret and study music. Yet, it lays a foundation where new avenues can be discovered and added later on. These rules does not confine us; rather it allows us to express freely in which gives us total liberty. It is the same in life. We abide by the rules and live in peace. It does not confine or restrict us; but it gives us the full freedom to express the utmost potential in us.

Live with passion,
Charissa

Life in May... Come what may...

2008-05-22T23:00:00.005+01:00

Here are some updates since the beginning of May...

Set up this blog on the 2nd of May...
I realised I gained 5kg on the 5th of May...
Watched Pete's Dragon on the 9th of May...
Mother's Day was on the 11th of May...
Daddy's birthday was on the 12th of May...
My housemate went back to Malaysia on the 16th of May...
Looked for jobs on the 19th of May...
Went for an interview on the 21st of May...
Had a wonderful performance at St.Peter's Church on the 21st of May...
Handed in my last assignment and took my last written exam for this term on the 22nd of May...
Got a summer job on the 23rd of May...
Had McD for lunch on the 25th of May...
(I've not had McD since January...that's 4 months without McD...gosh)

My summer holiday has officially begun on the 23rd of May...

Come what may...

For the rest of the days, I have been busy studying, practising piano, and reading about music therapy. Oh, and not forgetting to watch some Korean dramas in between ;)

Undo

2008-05-06T16:09:00.005+01:00

Undo... Backspace... Cancel... They are such common features found in this 21st Century especially when we are so depended on electronic gadgets. I was cooking today and I realised that I can't undo an action. I can't just stop cooking half way and throw it away and redo it by starting all over. Same goes for a performance. Or even a sight-reading test. If I'm playing a piece, I am not allowed to re-do or undo my mistakes. By doing so, the whole piece will sound disconnected and in a mess. Wouldn't the mistakes be even more obvious if you were to repeat or re-do or even undo them? What we musicians and performers usually do is to improvise or rather is to 'cover-up'.

It's the same in life. I can't undo my mistakes. I can't go back to when I was 8 years old and re-decide on a wrong decision I made then. Life does not allow us to cancel what was wrong nor can we undo a silly mistake. We are sure good in covering up our wrongs. Tell a lie and nobody will know the truth. (That's what we think.) Hide in your room. Hide from the world. Pretense is another good way of covering and hiding your real feelings and intentions. But you know what? God sees and looks past all our pretension, all our lies, all our pains, all our ugliness, all our wrongs, all our fears and shame...

God is such, that He gives us a second chance. He allows us to undo what was wrong by allowing us to make a new decision from where we got stuck. He pulls us up, cleans us, heals us, feeds us till we are well and able to run again. Amazingly, He puts a smile on our face! Our next move is important. For it determines where we are heading from then on. A new choice is made with determination along with His grace. Learning from mistakes are important. If you can pick yourself up from where you left out, you will see a bright future ahead. If you choose to stay there, you'll be doomed. Still, we need to recognize that we can't cancel out our lives. We do not have to right to do so. We cannot cancel out memories nor can we not pay the price for our foolishness.

Improvise then? God is a creative God. He improvises from our mistakes and makes them right again by harmonizing our wrong actions with His perfect will for our lives. At times, He allows us to use a turn-about. It's cool. There is always a way out with God. A better way, a brighter future, a highway for life! But God does not allow us to cover-up our pains or hide away or pretend that it's all OK. The faster you realise and recognize your mistakes, the faster you will get your breakthrough. My God is such a cool God!

My support system

2008-05-03T11:25:00.008+01:00

This is my support system for the rhythm of life!

For all my beloved family members, relatives and lovely friends...

Firstly, thank you for everything. Thank you for being who you are and for sheltering me with love. All of you are in my life, giving me precious input, making me a better person and loving me no matter what. I am truly honoured to have you in my life. No man is an island - that's what I came to realize. People who accept me as who I am, who stayed through the thick and thin of my life, who gave me a smile, a hug, a prayer, a word of encouragement, a cup of Starbucks, have Korean food together, took pretty pictures with me, who listens to me, who goes crazy with me, who doesn't mind me being me, who did not abandon me, who knew me from the inside out, who look past my sin and faults, who open their arms widely to receive, who would scold me, who would want to see me happy and want the best for me... Thank you! I love you all. Words are not enough to describe how you all have showed me love and showed me that this world is such a beautiful place to live in.

This is where our paths meet. All of you are part of this beautiful symphony that God is composing through my life. Some of you may be a very important chord with an added 9 or added 13, some could be another melodic line, some are rests (to remind me to take a break and laugh your heart out!), some are walking with me in the same tempo, some add spices to my life with the rhythm of your life, some are anticipation notes, where they wait for me to make a move and then they follow me (these are my disciples). There are also some who are embellishments, such as a passing note (like passing on a smile or a word of encouragement or just an email), maybe some, an escape note where I would long to escape from this hectic world. And some, a trill. Haha. That's the best part. They trill me! Just as every part of your body is important as it all functions as they should, they are all connected as one. This beautiful symphony needs all of you to make it interesting and alive. Without these embellishments, a piece will sound dull and dead. That's how all of you play an important role in my life. Thank you for making this symphony of mine so interesting! As I'm part of your symphony, I would like to be one of those added melismatic melodic lines or an inner part, singing with you yet not overpowering the main melody, which is you. In fact, some of you are the main instruments in this symphony of mine, playing an important role in supporting the base and adding to the substance of this piece. It is definitely a magnificent piece!! As we all play different roles in making this symphony a brilliant one, let's all play our parts and uphold one another so much so as we anticipate the completion of this great composition!

Inspired by a poem...

2008-05-03T01:04:00.009+01:00

The Road Not Taken (1915)

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

The road not taken...

2008-05-02T22:11:00.003+01:00

In life, it is such that we often have to make choices. We are free will beings given the authority to choose and make sound judgements. I have chosen a path that not many would choose. It's a road not taken. I've chosen to study music where to some, it may seem absurd. I've chosen to give God everything He has given me and even that may be ridiculous to those who do not understand. Like I said, I am who I am - is by the grace of God. I cannot be who I am without who God is. Through this many years of walking this journey of life, there were many choices I made, paths in which I chose to walk in it, lives in which intertwined with mine... There were times this journey was fun, exciting, convincing, colourful, spirited, passionate, glorious, rejoicing, wonderful, victorious and abounding in every sense. Yet there were also times where this journey was harsh on me, tiring, sorrowful, dark, depressing, deserting, defeating, rotten as if life is eating me up... But the greatest thing I've realised when I allow God to guide me is that, there may be so many choices to choose and to make, but when God guides me, I see a clear path that no man can hinder for He opens a road which leads to gloryland.

This road in which I have chosen isn't smooth sailing all the time. But it is the path in which I will walk in and continue to walk. Sometimes, I just know in my heart which path I should take. If you would just listen to your heart, you will know the right answer to life's question. To go against the flow... is something that is part of me. I don't go against the flow all the time; but I guess I often do go against what people expect of me. I don't like to be labelled or categorized. At times, I'll just colour out of the lines. Perhaps, it's typical for someone like me in the art stream to say something like this. But oh well, it is true. Life is much more interesting if you would colour outside the lines once in a while.

In many sense, life is like a beautiful picture. As we journey this life, bits and pieces of these jigsaw puzzles appears. Sometimes you'd wonder how are they connected and where do they fit. God holds the masterpiece. He reveals bit by bit, note by note, line by line and harmonizes this beautiful melody of my life with His magnificent chords. It turns out to be such a precise and spectacular composition. But it's not until I live it out, it will not sound, it will not reflect that magnificence. It is in this path I am walking in, which brings out the depth of this superb masterpiece. For it transcends language, form, style, time, space, knowledge and understanding as it breaks through barriers, differences, people, mind-sets, beliefs... This is what I call music! This is what I call love and passion! This is what I call God's masterpiece composed based on my life and being sounded in eternity by how I live this life here on earth. This is just the beginning of a new movement in my life...

There are 2 roads in which I am waiting to see it merge into one. 2 journeys which I constantly am on. Roads leading to a bright and glorious future. So, here I am waiting in anticipation...

A jigsaw piece in '07

2008-05-02T20:17:00.001+01:00

October ‘07
A big dream in my heart –
To everything there is a time and season.
A place for it,
A beginning and en end.
As for dreams, there is no end.
As life unfolds its mysteries
Our lives remain untold till the end of time.
On that day, when all will stand and attest
At the time of judgement and creation
Life and all its fullness,
Depths of beauty and splendor
Tales of life unseen, untold, unspoken, unsought, unheard –
It will all be revealed.
Just as in the beginning
When God met man,
To show us what LOVE is –
It’s the greatest thing you and I have,
That is solely from God.