The road less traveled...

It has been a while since I last blogged. Honestly, I have not had the inspiration to write anything. I am in a unique season of life… though I myself am uncertain what season this might be. Life has been and is still good. There were “ordinary” days; some were “extraordinary” and others just happened to “pass me by…” This is not one of my encouraging or inspiring post but merely an update and record of my life. Please bear with me as I try to find the words to describe it. I wanted to survive… to just survive… I wondered why it seemed so hard to just survive. Yet, I knew – this is not how it should be. God does not want me to merely survive, He wants me to be free and soar with Him. It was not easy. I went through seasons of conflicts within my spirit and soul… I know my mind had to be renewed. I needed a change of heart. I could not see, could not hear, and could not understand what God is doing or what He wants me to do. I felt lost yet not entirely lost… I wanted to ask someone...

I was thrust into your arms at my birth. You have been my God from the moment I was born. Because I am righteous, I will see you. When I awake, I will see you face to face and be satisfied. (Psalm 22:10; 17:15).

The Enemy's Desire The Psalmist prayed: “Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, breathing out violence” ( Ps .27:12). Even the enemy has got desires too. The enemy uses our sinful desires to enslave us. Sin is crouching at the door, it desires to have you but you must master it (Gen.4:7). The Bible states the motives of the enemy clearly: he desires to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10).  Similarly, desire is a form of seed planted in our hearts. We are the ones to decide whether to water it or let it dry up and die… James 1:15 tells me that desire is first conceived before it gives birth to sin; and sin, when full-grown, it gives birth to death. But hear what the Word says about our hearts: Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear t...

The reason for this long post is because we've all got desires; whether they have been fulfilled or waiting to be fulfilled. Lately, I have been thinking about my desires and whether they are what God desires too. I want to know and understand “desire” more plus to know how to direct them as God desires. I'll split this long post into two – it's easier for digestion. I began with a search on the word “desire” and one of the first few verses that struck me was: 2 Samuel 19:38 The king said, "Kimham shall cross over with me, and I will do for him whatever pleases you. And anything you desire from me I will do for you." And; 2 Samuel 23:5 "Is not my house right with God? Has he not made with me an everlasting covenant, arranged and secured in every part? Will he not bring to fruition my salvation and grant me my every desire?” Am I willing to say to God or can I say to God with confidence, “I will do whatever pleases You. Anything You desire from me I will...

Finally... I see the sun for the daylight; I feel His breath for the wind and He is here with me now. Spring is coming... Sometimes I wonder, when will God call me home? Will it be sooner than I expected? How soon will it be? How would my loved ones take it? How would we part? Often I imagine being in heaven with God and looking down on earth, also being part of the 'cloud of witnesses'... I imagine myself, looking down at the funeral procession. Who do I see? What do I see? Who are the ones celebrating or who are the ones broken with tears? What will I leave as a legacy? What will people say about me? Will I achieve my lifelong dream by then? But... should I even leave these people behind? What will they make of me or what will they make of God? What will people make of life in such situations? Will I leave behind a story good enough to be published as a book? What words of wisdom will I leave for those on earth? What will people remember me for? What have I done for God that...

Have you ever been haunted The way I've been by you? And have you ever felt The measure of the days That I've spent waiting Pining for you? I can't see the sun for the daylight I can't feel Your breath for the wind I don't want to step from these shadows Till You're comin' back again I've dammed these emotions To keep my lanterns lit Shaken by this longing Coursing through my veins In my mind, I can't make sense of it Can't see the sun for the daylight I can't feel Your breath for the wind I get so used to these shadows Are You comin' back again? Do we give up the search and turn out the lights? And give up this Holy Ghost that rattles through the night? Can't see the sun for the daylight I can't feel Your breath for the wind I don't want to step from these shadows Till You come back again Can't see the sun for the daylight Can't feel Your breath for the wind I get so used to these shadows Will You chase away these sha...

Lyrics by William Rees, originally in Welsh; translated into English by William Williams in 1900. ‘Here Is Love’ is a love song which came out of the Welsh Revival in 1904. Here is love vast as the ocean Loving kindness as the flood When the Prince of life, our ransom Shed for us His precious blood Who His love will not remember? Who can cease to sing His praise? He can never be forgotten Throughout Heaven’s eternal days On the Mount of Crucifixion Fountains opened deep and wide Through the floodgates of God’s mercy Flowed a vast and gracious tide Grace and love, like mighty rivers Poured incessant from above And Heaven’s peace and perfect justice Kissed a guilty world in love Let us all His love accepting Love Him ever all our days Let us seek His Kingdom only And our lives be to His praise He alone shall be our glory Nothing in the world we see He has cleansed and sanctified us He Himself has set us free In His truth He does direct me By His Spirit through His Word And His grace my ...